Don't Hold Your Breath

So.. this Saturday will be Mark (boyfriend/baby daddy) & my 7 year anniversary. Yay... right. Lately.. this past year that is our relationship has been "blah". It's as if we weren't even in a relationship. I mean sure we're way passed that "honeymoon" stage of the relationship. But damn, seriously! Most of the time I feel like I'm speaking to a wall or myself. When I found out I was pregnant I was sure that Mark would change his ways, but he didn't. So when Ares was born I thought "this is it" but he didn't change either. In fact, I feel as if he's gotten worse with time? Shouldn't people change for the better over time? Like wine, right? Or maybe he's fermented!

Some time in the recent past we had a conversation about marriage. Yes, that's right. We had a baby out of wed-lock! Suck on that! So back to the topic about marriage.. we both agreed it was pointless. Hey! We've been together for such & such amount of time.. & now have a baby! What's the need? Right? Wrong! I WANT TO GET MARRIED! Someday! SOON!? At least be freaking engaged already! Grr! And NO he won't be proposing this Saturday I can assure that! Maybe romance & being settled down just isn't his thing. Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Yea, you can define that any way you want. Mmhhmmm...

But seriously! I want to get married. If not with him.. well you know. =[ I think every girl deserves to have her dream wedding & her dream dress! Of course, I don't exactly have any of those, but still. I want to get married & dress like a damn princess! Why is it so important to get married you ask? Well, for me.. it's just a higher level of commitment. You're bound together, hopefully forever, as husband & wife. 'Til death do we part. Is he not committed enough to want to marry the mother of his child?

I'm rambling & depressed.. a week & a half ago the only grandfather I know passed away. Yesterday marked the 2 year anniversary of my grandmother's death. This December will mark the 23rd year of my dad's death. =*((**

I'll wait for a miracle.. or should I not hold my breath? =/