Hustle & Bustle

Today is the day before Christmas Eve! You know what that means.. all the procrastinators are out shopping. So please avoid the malls if you can. And if you must shop with your child keep a close eye on them & be careful! Some people are just down right crazy when it comes to holiday shopping. We don't want anyone getting hurt, let alone a child! I thought I was all done with my shopping when I realized I had returned what I was going to give my dad! WTH! Now I have to go out & get him something. He's really into the SF Giants & I saw this Letterman Jacket.. is that what it's called? Please, correct me if I'm wrong. Also, a really good friend of mine who I've known since middle school bought Ares a present even though I told her it was fine! But she insisted & purchased a $50 toy! OMG! So now.. it's a must that I go out & get her something. Of course not $50 worth since I don't have that kind of money to spend.. especially since I'm suppose to be done with my Christmas shopping. She's really into hello kitty! I should've bought that Hello Kitty last time when I purchased mine (which went missing by the way). Hmm.. so I've been surfing the web looking for a HK item. I know they're selling a bunch of stuff at Target so we'll have to stop by there. Also maybe Costco. They often sell a few HK things for the holidays. On top of that.. not all my presents are wrapped! I'm doing all  the wrapping at my moms house which is an hour plus south from where we live. So.. I've still got a few things to wrap up. Thank goodness Ares presents are done with!

Update.. Ares learned to make a few new obnoxious sounds. Like screaming & yelling! It's cute when you're not trying to sleep. Also, he says "rawr" or "argh". hahaha! That's cute! He does it when he's playing with a toy.. I think he's pretending to be a dog or a dinosaur. =/ He's currently exploring his new found sound.. he's yelling like a maniac right now. I'll end this here so I can get things done. Did I mention I still have to pack for the weekend! SMH!

I'll try to blog again this weekend! If not, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Eating My Sorrows Away =(

The last couple of days.. weeks.. maybe even months have been heartbreaking. I've kept mum about it just because that's the type of person I am. Or it's because I always put aside my personal problems & never talk about them. Whatever problem I may have I just ignore it. I think I'm long overdue to vent.. I feel like I need therapy, again. =( You Zoloft commercial, "Depression hurts." Yes, I do believe it does. Emotionally & physically. I've been trying so hard to keep strong for my son & I, but tonight was definitely my breaking point. For the first time I cried.. worse, I cried in front of Ares. You know what he did.. he gave me comfort! He looked dead into my eyes & put his head to my chest & laid there. Which made me cry even more! The thought of an almost 8 month old knowing the emotional torment I was going through & how he acted upon it was surprising as hell! I love my son to death! Even if no one else does or will. I LOVE HIM!

Just an hour before my tears flooded my eyes.. his father had just left to go drink with his friends. The third time this week. And it's only Wednesday! Mark (Ares father) reached to Ares, who looked back at me for reassurance! Reassurance that the person who wished to carry him wasn't going to hurt him. I told Ares, "it's okay honey" so he went with his father. But the whole minute that Ares was in his father's arms, he kept pushing off to come back to me. What does this tell me? A lot! It tells me that my son doesn't feel safe or secure in his fathers arms! The my son doesn't find comfort being held by his own blood. Why? His father lacks maturity. He's out with his friends during his free time rather than spending hours with his son, whom right now is at a vulnerable stage in his cognitive development. I fear he won't love his father. But as long as he knows I'm always here for him, my baby boy should be just fine. We can't force someone to grow up if they don't wish to.

My birthday is coming this Tuesday, the 27th. I'll be another year older, duh! My only wish was to have some time to myself. If that's too much to ask for or if it makes me sound selfish then I guess I am selfish even if I don't mean to be. It will be 8 long months since I've had any time to myself. That's right. Eight months since I've had any mommy time!Why? Cause I can't stand the thought of not being there for Ares. And Ares can't stand not having me around. He cries & looks for me when he wakes up. If I'm not around he will look & crawl. At night, when he wakes up he touches my face in the dark for comfort. A definite mama's boy! You can't blame him since I am his primary & only care taker. I wouldn't change that for anything!

I should really get my laundry folded & put away. I also need to pack since Ares & I are leaving tomorrow morning. No, not leaving like that! Just for the holidays & weekend. The usual routine! Leave for Monterey (my home) Thursday & usually come back to Milpitas (home away from home) on Sundays. But since it's the holidays we may be stuck down there for a while. Anywho, I really should get going. Like I said, we leave in the morning.. 6am to be exact & no later.

Until my next blog post! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Hope everyone has a safe one!

Updated Christmas Wish List

So, last night Mark (boy friend/baby daddy) asked what I wanted for Christmas. I said I wasn't sure exactly.. as in.. there's a few things I want just not sure exactly which one I really want! So.. here's an updated Christmas List.. I know I know.. I've done what.. two other ones prior to this. Well I've got nothing else to blog about & my life isn't all that great. I'm just a first time mom who like all others have little time on their hands to be doing anything crazy.

1. Slow cooker
2. Baby-Led Weaning Cook Book
3. Cake Pop machine
4. Donut Machine (I believe it's made by the same manufacturer as cake pop)
5. for someone to find Ares shoe that we lost today, it's eating me! I'm going to lose sleep over this!
6. A WHITE Christmas!
7. One of those DSLR cameras.. I want to learn to take professional photographs of Ares.
8. My pre-pregnancy body back! I know I'll never look like that again.. but I want to look close to it. At least get rid of all this saggy skin. GROSSNESS!
9. 8 hours of undisturbed sleep
10. Deep tissue massage

okay.. I'm getting out of hand. LOL! Stop me!

Christmas Shopping UpDate

So been doing some Christmas shopping for the family.. & it's not easy. I told myself to start earlier this year but I procrastinated yet again. What's tough is that every time I go shopping I end up buying Ares something. LoL! More presents for his first Christmas, not complaining. Also, when I'm trying to find a specific person a gift.. I end up buying them something from two different places so I end up having to spend time in the return lines. I'm not buying my entire family something. Immediate yes, but not relatives that would leave me broke! But I do have a couple god-children & well.. The in-laws. That project is still.. Well it's probably collecting dust by now. I'll be doing some more shopping this week. Hopefully it will be the last time. Cause I'm totally over it! I've got my brother & sister, my parents, & one cousin I need to shop for since apparently i never give him anything. What do you get a guy who has everything?! For my brother I'll be getting him a Nerf gun since I secretly want one for myself. This gives me the opportunity to play with it. Teehee! My sister, probably a bunch of canvas since she's started getting into painting recently. I need to get some for myself, they're 50% off at michaels! My mom likes to play tunes while in the bathroom with her iPhone. I'm afraid she'll bust a speaker on her phone so an iHome is in need! As for my dad.. Well.. He's a tough one. He usually gives & doesn't expect much.. Nothing materialistic. He prefers love & respect. Lol! I'd love to get him a new set of golf clubs! && last but not least, the baby daddy.. He's a tough one too. He needs a new phone do maybe a new iPhone? Looks like I'm gonna be busy this week. Finding the perfect present isn't easy. I need to buy Ares a drum.. Something to bang on. Hahaha!

The end of another week

It's Friday! Yay for everyone, but since I'm just a stay at home mom everyday is a Friday for my son & I. So what's new? Anything exciting happen while I was away for a bit? Here's an update on Ares & myself...

1) Ares teeth (4 of them) started sprouting the week of Thanksgiving.. & they've finally grown in. Not 100%, but he's passed the irritated gums. So good bye long nights & fevers! Woo!

2) I posted recently about being called an "over protective" mother. Had a chat with my inlaw as well as my mom.. & they basically said "don't let it stress me" which I don't. I could care less what people call or think of me. It's their conscience in the end not mine. I just think people should think twice before saying something. It's common sense!

3) I'm not even half way done with my Christmas shopping. Every time I start shopping I always end up buying Ares more presents! I'm not complaining & I'm sure if he knew anything about Christmas & gifts he wouldn't complain either. But I was able to cross off a few family members off my list. =)

4) I haven't been feeling good lately. Something's wrong. Maybe it's finals? But I'm really stressing over whatever bug I may have. Hopefully it goes away since holidays & Christmas is a couple weeks away.

That's about it. Nothing exciting happening with my life these days. Just hoping & praying for the best in life. =)

Have a nice day everyone!

Overprotective Mother

Over the weekend I was called an "over-protective mother" at least once. I say at least because earlier today I read a post on facebook about something pretty similar but no names were mentioned & that post has been recently removed by the author. But who's to say it wasn't towards me? Before I go any further here's what the post stated, "to all my relatives make sure you wash your hands & boil in hot water & sanitize ur hands before you care the baby.. & ask permission to the LOVING & Super OVER protective mother...!!!!!" it was written exactly like that.. so I didn't change anything! Okay.. so now here's the reason why I think this post may be about me.. on Thanksgiving the father of my son & I took our son to visit his family (I will not mention which side). When we first walked into the house we were greeted with a group of screaming teenagers! Our son is 7 months old.. regardless how old he is I think people should know that noise like that can be damaging & frightening. Anyways.. so dad (son's dad) decided to take our son out of his car seat.. a few seconds later not only was our son the center of attention, but was being passed around the house like a sack of HOT POTATOES! What mother wouldn't freak out about this? I have no issues with anyone holding my son, okay maybe a little issue.. but it's only RIGHT to wash your damn hands before you touch a child or anyone! Family or not, I've seen people walk out of the bathroom without even considering washing their hands. GROSS! Another issue I have is that I have a friend whose baby got salmonella from her father, since the father never washes his hands. So like I said.. family or not.. be courteous! Mind you I didn't say a word, but I'm sure you can see the horror on my face when I saw Ares going from one set of arms to another.

I didn't say anything about the issue.. but I did think it. So it was just surprising that I read a post about something I had thought of. It may be about me & it may not be.. but my point is: a mother knows best. When your opinion is asked for, that's when you give it.. other than that.. it's not welcome. FACT!

Saturday my own ninang (godmother in tagalog) called me strict & over protective. Only because she was trying to feed my son cheese... yea.. dairy! I've read infants aren't ready to eat cows milk at least until they're a year old. So.. I was a bit freaked out. I'm not perfect. I'm a first time mother experiencing these things. It's nice to get help every now & then.. but when it comes to what's best for my son.. I think every mother would agree with me that MOTHER KNOWS BEST!

All I Want for Christmas

So earlier this week I was writing a blog about what I've always wanted for Christmas.. be it ridiculously out of this world or not. The point was just listing out the truth. I don't think I ever published that blog. So, here's another list of things I do want for Christmas..

1. The Baby-led Weaning Cookbook (Target sells it online only & has the best deal.. I should've bought it when I had the chance back in August. Don't know why I procrastinated cause now they're sold out)
2. CrockPot aka Slow Cooker (I love to cook! Sure using a slow cooker doesn't really show my skills in the kitchen, but every now & then I'd like not to have to spend so much time over a hot stove.)
3. A white Christmas! (I wish for this every single year.. last year it came close..)

 That's pretty much all I want.. but to get a little crazy.. here's just a few more things I feel like adding on.
4. Gift Cards to: Ikea, Ross, Target, Walmart, Macys, Khols (Pretty much anywhere that sells house decors. I don't really think I want to buy myself anything.. I'm not priority anymore.)
5. All expense paid family vacation to the Philippines. (I need to go back in 2014 to fix my paperwork & I'm NOT leaving Ares behind).

BTW... family & friends who are reading this.. if you plan on buying Mark clothing for Christmas... he is NOT a size XL! That was in high school.. he's now a MEDIUM! Thanks! Oh & my son wears size 9-12 months... for now. Yea.. he's huge! We're raising a linebacker. hahaha!

8 Hours

It's now 6:00am.. Plus or minus 5 minutes. Lol. Went to bed at 10pm last night with Area.. & the only reason I'm awake now was to feed Ares who was shoving his face to my boob. Smart kid, yea? And the other reason.. I had to pee. I can't believe Ares & I slept for 8 hours! I'm so happy! Ares has never done that.. I feel so rested. A bit annoyed coz I'm now awake. But I'm sure a few rounds of Call of Duty will tire me out? Haha! Yeah, I'm one of those chicks. That's the only game I will ever play! A little violent you say? It is.. But it let's me blow of steam. I'd rather do that than go out & drink or fight with the boyfriend.

Anyways, when I went out to pee.. Bathroom is down the hall near the living room.. I noticed the tv was still on. I looked & saw my dad still up playing pokerist on Facebook. Wtf! Fool go to sleep! Lol! Oh Facebook & your games!

Three more weeks until Christmas & until the semester ends! I can't wait to start a new school semester. Woohoo!! I should consider attending a different school just so I can finish faster, but driving an extra 15mins out of my way doesn't seem right. At the end of the day I just need to get home to Ares. Priority.

Well I may not have to play a game of CoD.. Blogging I guess was enough. Good.. Mornight!

Five Facts

I've got nothing else to blog about really.. other than so why not come up with random things to talk about! Here are 5 facts about me..

#1. I constantly misplace my phone & keys (it's even worse now that I'm a mom.. so I can't blame it on pregnancy brain.)
#2. When visiting my mom.. every time I go into the kitchen I always open the fridge, pantry, & fridge.. in that order. (even when I'm not hungry.. OCD?)
#3. Ares was not my first pregnancy, which is why I called him a miracle in a previous post. =,[
#4. Growing up, I was teased a lot about my weight & appearance (I used to be super skinny). I ended up with issues.. called an eating disorder.
#5. Coming into motherhood I knew there were a lot of things I was going to learn.. what I didn't know was how much my son was going to be teaching me.

Well, there you have it! Okay.. I'm done!

The 1st of December

Well, it's that time of year! The holidays are definitely here! It's finally the first of December! My favorite month. Why? Well, in 24 days it's Christmas time.. in 26 days.. it's my BIRTHDAY! Woo hoo! =) & no.. I don't just get one birthday present from family.. I still get two! teehee! I mean, if every body else can get presents twice a year why would people who have birthdays on or near a holiday be any different?

I've still got a lot of Christmas shopping to do. This year I won't be buying everyone presents. 1) Money doesn't grow on trees 2) It's not easy Christmas shopping with an infant during this crazy season 3) it's Ares first Christmas so we're buying him tons of things!

Wrapped a few presents today. So excited! I don't recommend wrapping presents while your baby is near though. I think it may have something to do with the shiny wrapping paper.. plus.. Ares kept trying to play with his toys but I had to take them away (wrap them) so he kept trying to tear open his presents.

hmm.. what else what else.. I bought Ares a cute little outfit for Christmas from H&M! Never thought I'd ever buy anything from that store, but I did. And I didn't break bank.. not even close! Definitely will be one of my favorite places to shop for Ares. They have such cute hip outfits for babies!

I think this is it for now.. stay safe out there. Try & avoid the Christmas rush by getting all your shopping done early. Avoid the malls during the weekends & evenings, if you can! Thankfully, not having a job has it's perks! Being able to shop early in the morning to avoid rush hour & crowd.

Happy Holidays!

Wake up!

These days I'm trying to find ways to wake up my craftier side. It's been hibernating since High School. With the holidays fast approaching my hands are itching to liven things up around here.

My life needs more color. Tired of living in black & white. With occasional browns of course. Lol.

Time for a Change

Long overdue! Today, I'm going to attempt to spiffy up my blog! I need a change! And since I'm too chicken poo to chop off my hair.. well, updating the way my blog looks I guess is the next best thing.

That is all.. for now. =)

T.M.I

So.. Thanksgiving has come & gone. Nothing like family, friends, & good food. Butt! ;) I must have eaten something that was off cause I swear I've been in & out of the bathroom for the last 24 hours. I basically lost all the pounds I gained over the weekend which I'm thrilled about. But I hate having stomach aches! Especially ones that wake you up from sleep. I was able to eat a dinner last night which was all I had all day yesterday. Dinner being left overs from Thanksgiving .. Well I'm pretty darn sure I know what's causing it. Even if Mark & everyone else aren't having reactions to it.. I sure as hell am. =[

Apart from the need to go use the restroom several times this evening.. I was also suffering from mild insomnia. Not sure what's causing it. I've had little sleep in the last 48 hours. My body is crashing.

Ares had what I believe to be his first fever last night. He slept all night long. He might have been over stimulated during the weekend with seeing so many people all at once & being passed around like a damn hot potato which I wasn't very happy about. Spent the holidays with Mark's side of the family.. & one thing I HATE is how everyone just grabbed at Ares without asking. I was fuming at Mark just because he didn't care it was happening. The look on my sons face was enough for me to smack everyone upside the head. First off! You don't grab at babies! Second wash you damn hands! Third he's not a fcking doll that you can just pass around! It's safe to say I have every reason not to bring Ares over in the future. Call me over protective but I am his mother. And mothers do know what's best!

Black Friday Black Friday

Yesterday was Black Friday. Definitely glad it's over & done with. Didn't do any major shopping or even shop in the middle of the night. Nope. We went shopping around lunch time. Tried to stay away from the crowd. Here's a few things we bought yesterday curtesy of Black Friday sales..

Toys R Us:
1. Ball Pit

Target:
1. New Moon DVD
2. Twilight DVD (now I own two?!)

Yep that's all. Like I said. Didn't go crazy shopping. But I did pay a visit to Walmart & hoped to find that $10 crockpot. Too bad they sold out less than an hour into Black "Thursday" since they opened their doors at 9pm Thanksgiving night.

Wish I was able to get more things for Area. But as I got that ball pit I'm super happy.

So.. What deals did you get your hands on?

Nothing Like the Holidays

First off.. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! If you've got a kid & family coming over or if you're the one visiting family make sure to being sanitizers! And be ready to receive unwanted opinions & criticism.

All in all.. Just be thankful to have family around. Real friends who have stuck around through thick & thin. And all the food!

This year I'm thankful for my son. A gift from god. =] Everyday I thank the lord for Ares. Who knows where I'd be without my kid. I'm thankful to have such wonderful & caring family. We may bump heads from time to time but in the end arguments are what keeps our family strong. It proves that we can over come anything. I'm thankful for my boyfriend who's been with me web I was at my darkest & lowest of days. Also for sticking around & loving me for me & being my best friend. Last but not least I'm thankful for my health & life. I'm alive. That's all that matter.

What are you thankful for?

Forgive & Forget

Okay so I'm sure we've all had our run in with a couple if not more fake friends. People who we thought would be there for you but come to find out they were just looking out for their best interest. I've had several of those. I'm no saint. Sure, I've talked some crap behind people's backs only because bitches have nothing nice to say about me. Who gives a frock right? Right!

This blog is about forgiving all those who have wronged me in the past & letting them know I've forgotten about them. Actually, I had a talk with Mark (bf) a couple of weeks ago about this & I've never felt better. It's like this huge weight lifted off my shoulder!

I forgive all those who have wronged me in the past. And forgive those who will wrong me in the future. I hold no grudge. I hold on to no memory of your existence! That's right.. You simply don't exist. It's better that way. But if you like reading my blog go right ahead! It's public right? So I can't stop you from snooping around my 'perfect' life.

Pushed to the Limit

Last night our instructor took us to the weight room since only a few showed up to class. Day before Thanksgiving so not many students showed up to school. Anywho, I did my 'normal' routine. Normal back when I wasn't a mother.. Or pregnant. Let's just say it didn't work out so well. I ended up early fainting in class! I guess I just pushed myself way too hard too soon. I was very disappointed in myself. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself since its not a work out for 'me' anymore. At least not yet. =,[

In 2010, before pregnancy, my body was at its best. It was the most fit I've ever gotten myself. It was hit the gym 5-7 times a week, run 3-5 miles every day.. I felt GREAT! After finding out I was pregnant of course I stopped working out. I just didn't feel like it was safe. I tried running which hurt like hell! So I stopped.. I tried the whole walking thing which wouldn't last very long cause I'd get cramps. Let's just say god blessed me with this pregnancy. ;) with a couple failed attempts in the past I was lucky to have gotten pregnant!

I guess after not working out intense or heavy in over a year I can't blame myself for at least trying. At least i got a few reps in before crashing!

Update... Movemeber!

Dang.. haven't blogged in a while. No time? Or just lazy! Ha! You'd think that with being a SAHM (stay at home  mom) I'd have all the time in the world. Wrong. My now 7 month old son keeps me on my toes! So I have to work around his schedule. The reason I'm able to blog right this moment is 'cause my son is taking his morning nap. Usually, I get some cleaning, laundry, cooking done.. instead I'm on here. With that said I've got to make this a quicky! Haven't had one of those in years. hehe.. -_- (blogspot needs to make smiley icons on here)

Update:

1. Today my son turns 7 months! Yay! Time flies. Definitely bittersweet. He has one tooth out & has 3 others on the way. All coming out at the same time or pretty close. He's a champ for handling all that pain.

2. This semester is coming to an end. Other than being a SAHM, I'm also a part time college student. Just because I'm a mother doesn't mean I can't get my education on! Besides, a couple of classes twice a week doesn't hurt.. much. Although, I do miss my little guy whenever I'm at school. =(

3. The beginning of November, or Movember (Mustache November) as some call it) was my boyfriend & I's 7 year anniversary. Official anniversary that is. Although, he & I have been together a little longer than that we just never thought to set a date. haha! Unfortunately, I didn't receive a gift from him... now wait a minute before you go off & start judging him let me finish... I didn't get a gift from him that day. However, I did receive one a few days ago. And I'm very happy about it. It's just an iPhone4, but I'm super duper happy about it! I don't need flowers or chocolate. I use my phone a lot for taking pictures, editing, some socializing... so it's a very thoughtful gift.

4. We've bought Ares a few (that's right a 'few') Christmas presents already. And that's just the beginning. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving which means Black Friday is right after that! Sales! I've got my four-eyes on a couple things. I won't be in line but I sure will be there for some sales. I'm on a budget. I feel like being on a budget for Christmas makes it all more special. Gifts are a lot harder to find for a certain price. And it takes a lot longer time figuring out what one would like.

5. Breaking Dawn came out a week ago & I watched it yesterday... TWICE! Saw the first showing in the morning with my son. Who by the way slept through more than half of it. Woke up with only 15 minutes left in the movie. He was such a good boy! Any who, what's a better way to end a day than the same way you started it.. with another viewing of Breaking Dawn! =)

Honestly, my life's pretty dull. So I'll end this blog here. Speaking of which.. this thing needs an update. Probably why I'm not into going on here so much 'cause my blog is so boooooring. Ahh.. until next time then.

Busy

Okay.. so with Christmas just around the corner I've yet to start buying presents for anyone. Well, except for my little guy. Started on his presents a couple months ago. =) But I'm so pressed for time now. I've got one thing going on here & another going on there. Also, with Ares always wanting constant attention it's hard to get anything done. =/ I'm halfway done with his grandmother's (dad's side) present.. I've yet to start on his gifts for my parents. UGH! Making things is so time consuming! Cheap, but time consuming!

Just to sum up this blog.. I've got several projects going on at the same time. I'm hoping to finish up one of Ares presents by the end of next week. Then I'll be starting on my god-daughters which I hope won't take too long, but I highly doubt it.

That's all for now.. I think it's about time I join my son & go to sleep.

He says, "Hello"

That feeling you get when your heart breaks all over again.

All it takes is that 'one' phone call to turn a person's day upside-down. Of course, I didn't get a call.. but I was speaking to someone who was with a certain person who wanted to say, "hello" indirectly.

That is all.

Torn

So I've been unemployed for over a year now. The last job I had only lasted a month & it was a year ago when I just up & quit. I was a couple months pregnant & work required me to life heavy objects. At the time I was a Merchandise Supervisor.. a real step down from the job I held for 4 years a Pharmacy Assistant. =( I miss working.. don't get me wrong being a full time stay at home mom is great but it's also go it's downs. For instance, finances are a little short simply because we're relying on my boyfriends income. I've been looking for a jobs.. it's just hard since I'm so afraid to leave Ares (my 6 month old son). Sure I leave him with his father for a couple of hours while I'm away at school, but I still worry! I need a job ASAP! & with the new season here I'm sure I can snag a part time seasonal job with ease. But.. I wouldn't have anyone to leave my little guy with since boyfriend refuses to watch him. Sad right?

Hoping he graduates this semester but I highly doubt that will happen now since he hasn't been going to class using Ares as a reason as to why he's having difficulties studying. Which pisses me off because the past 2 months my son & I have been driving down to Monterey & staying with them during the weekends in order for my boyfriend to have time to study. I'm mainly upset at myself because I put his education in front of mine. If I knew then what I know now, that he'd be taking this long to his shit straight I wouldn't have bothered waiting. Now, I'm stuck with no job & with little education. Grr! I need a bloody miracle! I've told friends & family before to always keep their heads up & look forward. It's so easy to say but so difficult to do. Only because I'm having the toughest time looking forward & keeping a smile on my face. I feel as if my life is stuck.. I take one step forward & immediately have to take two steps back. =( Good things come to those who wait right.. I've been waiting.

On a positive note.. my son is sitting on his own with support that is. He's able to sit up but occasionally does fall over. He's also technically "crawling"..  great for his development but now he's getting into everything!

Well gotta end this here.. my little guy is calling his mama... =)

Don't Hold Your Breath

So.. this Saturday will be Mark (boyfriend/baby daddy) & my 7 year anniversary. Yay... right. Lately.. this past year that is our relationship has been "blah". It's as if we weren't even in a relationship. I mean sure we're way passed that "honeymoon" stage of the relationship. But damn, seriously! Most of the time I feel like I'm speaking to a wall or myself. When I found out I was pregnant I was sure that Mark would change his ways, but he didn't. So when Ares was born I thought "this is it" but he didn't change either. In fact, I feel as if he's gotten worse with time? Shouldn't people change for the better over time? Like wine, right? Or maybe he's fermented!

Some time in the recent past we had a conversation about marriage. Yes, that's right. We had a baby out of wed-lock! Suck on that! So back to the topic about marriage.. we both agreed it was pointless. Hey! We've been together for such & such amount of time.. & now have a baby! What's the need? Right? Wrong! I WANT TO GET MARRIED! Someday! SOON!? At least be freaking engaged already! Grr! And NO he won't be proposing this Saturday I can assure that! Maybe romance & being settled down just isn't his thing. Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Yea, you can define that any way you want. Mmhhmmm...

But seriously! I want to get married. If not with him.. well you know. =[ I think every girl deserves to have her dream wedding & her dream dress! Of course, I don't exactly have any of those, but still. I want to get married & dress like a damn princess! Why is it so important to get married you ask? Well, for me.. it's just a higher level of commitment. You're bound together, hopefully forever, as husband & wife. 'Til death do we part. Is he not committed enough to want to marry the mother of his child?

I'm rambling & depressed.. a week & a half ago the only grandfather I know passed away. Yesterday marked the 2 year anniversary of my grandmother's death. This December will mark the 23rd year of my dad's death. =*((**

I'll wait for a miracle.. or should I not hold my breath? =/

Rest in Paradise

There are no words to describe how I'm feeling at this very moment. The last 24 hours all I've wanted to do was crawl back into bed & pull the blanket over my head. But in reality having a child to take care of, that's not possible.

Yesterday, October 24, 2011 at 4:50am.. My grandfather, or as we all liked to call him in Chinese.. KongKong.. Passed away at the age of 92.

..... =*(**

I know he's in a better place. Reunited with Lola, my grandmother, who passed away November 2nd nearly two years ago. I guess she was tired of waiting & he couldn't wait to see her.

I wish I was there so he didn't have to be alone. I wish I was at least in the county. Soon as I heard the news my son & I drove an hour & a half just to say "good bye". It was the longest drive ever.. Or so I thought until it was time to drive home. That took twice as long or so it felt.

The whole family knew this time would be different. I think deep down we all knew the day was drawing near. Usually, KongKong would pull through coz he's so stubborn.. Nothing can get him down. We all knew.. It was only a matter of time.. & his will to keep fighting.

I will miss you! So much!

CHUA HO
June 12, 1919 to October 24, 2011

Rest in Paradise

Blogger App!

Downloaded this Blogger application on my iPhone a few days ago. Now I can blog from just about anywhere.. the park, beach, toilet.. just a few examples!

Yea, it's nearly 6:00am.. woke up an hour ago. Baby Ares has a cold so sleeping is rough. Been this way the last couple of nights. Tomorrow.. (later that is) we're getting a vaporizer for the little one. Should've bought one months ago. A definite must now since we live in such a dry environment. Oh poor munchkin... =(

Not sure exactly how long I'm going to last today. My patience will definitely more than likely be non-existent.. a nap is a definite must today! Went to bed at 2:00am only 'cause I've got so much going on in my head. =/ The worst thing ever is to have so much on ones mind right before bed..

Update on Kong-Kong

Not responding treatment.
He can open his eyes but that's it.
Unable to eat.

The doctor said it's only a matter of time.

=[

I feel like my world is turned upside down right now. I'm trying my hardest to focus on being a great mommy to Ares, but my mind keeps spacing. I keep choking back tears. It's as if someone's taken the floor from under me & I'm just falling. Falling. & falling.

October Never Fails

In the last couple of years I've learned to dislike, even hate the month of October. It's brought nothing but heartache to our family.. Except maybe for one thing. My cousin did conceive my beautiful god daughter Kianna Novelie two years ago.

Overall I give October a thumbs down.

Two years go, October of 2009, our Lola (grandma) suffered a stroke leaving her brain dead & passed away November 3, one day shy of her 82nd birthday.

Last year, October of 2010, my dad got into a horrible car accident while at work. He was airlifted from the accident site in Carmel to Regional Medical Center in San Jose. He's doing fine by the way.

This year, October of 2011, does not surprise me. "Kong-Kong" (grandpa in Chinese) was admitted to the Monterey Community Hospital nearly a week ago. They found that he's got some kind of blood clot & bacteria, but doctors are unable to figure out what's causing the bacteria & where the blood clot has formed. My son & I spent the whole morning & afternoon sitting by his side yesterday. Today, I found out he's more than likely not going to make it. He's not responding to treatment & currently not responding to anyone.

One Too Many

Since my little munchkin's been born he has only had 2 fevers, one at birth & the last couple days. They're very mild so nothing to 'really' worry about. But bing a first time mom it most definitely is something to worry about. Thankfully my god-mother/aunt is an RN here in the states & a licensed MD in the Philippines. Lucky for me she's just one phone call or text away!

Ares hasn't been fussy at all the last couple of days but it seems like, with most children, the fever spikes at night. Oh yes! Another wonderful reason to be up in the wee hours of the morning. I repeat he isn't fussy. But awake! Wide awake! He's currently kicking me to get my attention & yes, he's got it even though I'm on here blogging about my first personal run-in with a sickly infant.

Well.. I think it's time to try & put this little party boy to bed, again! Hopefully, it works this time & he stays asleep. Ten minutes ago I was given the thumbs up to give him some Infant Acetaminophen 0.4ml (for future reference). Although he may or may not really need it for a mother's peace of mind.. Oh it helps.

Okay! Time to put Mr. Cool-Guy & Cookie Monster to sleep.. Can't forget Scout!

Aaaaaaaand.. Good night!

Re-Learning,..

Ever sign up for some new website? Only to find yourself obsessed with it for a few days or a week & then forgetting about it? One day you find a friend talking about it or posting a link to their own blog.. & a light bulb in your brain fliCKS (oops.. my son thought he'd press the CAPSLOCK button for fun. -__-) on & you remember you have that website. After resetting your password you finally log on after being missing for a year & find yourself having to re-learn everything. Yea, that's what I'm doing right this moment. Well, other than blogging about it. Time to update everything on here & start blogging again.


My son says "HI!" =)